Sh. Saleh Al-Maghamisi (May Allah protect him) narrates the following story. He says:

“It is narrated that a man asked someone from among the Righteous for his daughter’s hand in marriage, so he accepted.

When his wife was brought to him, he saw that she was blind in one eye, walks with a limp, and had many other problems. He remained patient with her for 15 years, treating her in the most gentle of manners, and not speaking to anyone of her problems.

She became so in love and attached to him that she would not want him to go out and visit his friends. He would comply and not go out so that he does not hurt her feelings because of her weakness and because she was deprived of many things.

He remained upon this gentle treatment of her and this patience with her for 15 years, until she died.

When she died, it was noticed in his community that the people of his neighbourhood altogether had a great love and respect for him, while none of them knew of his action, but indeed it was Allah who has placed the love for him in their hearts.

One day a man took him to the side, and told him: ‘O Abu Uthman! I want to ask you about a matter, and wish of you to swear to me that you would answer me truthfully’, so he accepted.

So he said: ‘I have seen that Allah has placed your love in people’s hearts, so what is this secret between you and Allah that made Allah grant you all this love?’

He tried to excuse himself from answering, but the questioner refused, and insisted that he gives him an answer, so he said: ‘I married a woman …’ then he mentioned his story … and said: ‘And I was patient with her for 15 years, not speaking or complaining about her condition to anyone, to the extent that even my own family do not know of her condition. I remained patient and feared that if I left her, no one else would marry her’”.

The Shaykh then comments saying:

“And he was not religiously obliged to do that which he did, but it is through such patience and facing of hardships one may encounter from among the harms of the people, or the plots of the deceptive, or the envy of one’s enemies, that one can attain such elevated statuses”.

Footnote:

[1] Adopted by al-Sirat al-Mustaqeem from: Ta’amulaat Quraaniya 27/15

[2] How many from among our brothers and sisters are less patient with their spouses when it comes to matters much less than the example above, and they forget the words of Allah where He (Glorified is He) says: (and live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good) [al-Nisa’ 4:19], and: (and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you) [al-Baqarah 2:216]

And forgetting the advice of the Messenger of Allah (Blessings of Allah and peace upon him) when he said:

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏”‏لاَ يَفْرَكْ مُؤْمِنٌ مُؤْمِنَةً إِنْ كَرِهَ مِنْهَا خُلُقًا رَضِيَ مِنْهَا آخَرَ ‏”‏ـ

“A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another” [Narrated by Imam Muslim].

Al-Imam Al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said in his commentary on this hadeeth: “… i.e., he should not hate her, because although he may find in her one characteristic which he dislikes, he will find something that pleases him. Although she may be ill-tempered, she may also be religious or beautiful or chaste or kind towards him or something like that”.

Through this way, one can build a marriage upon a foundation of love, compassion, and mercy, and a realization that when being patient over what you hate for the sake of Allah, Allah shall replace you with that which is better.

Arabic:

قال الشيخ صالح المغامسي: يروى أن رجلاً من الصالحين جاءه رجل فطلب منه أن يتزوج ابنته وهو لا يعرفه، فوافق، فلما أدخلت عليه المرأة إذا هي عوراء عرجاء وفيها من كل العاهات، فصبر خمسة عشر عاماً لا يكلم أحداً بأن في زوجته شيئاً، فكانت من شدة ما بها من الأمراض والعاهات تتعلق به، فصارت من حبها له وتعلقها به تمنعه من أن يذهب إلى أصحابه،… ـ

فلا يخرج خوفاً من أن يجرح مشاعرها لضعفها وكونها محرومة من كل شيء، فصبر عليها خمسة عشر عاماً، ثم ماتت، فلما ماتت كان أهل حيه يحبونه حباً جماً، وهم لا يدرون هذه القضية كلها، ولكن الله أورث قلوبهم محبته، وفي ذات يوم انفرد به رجل، فقال: يا أبا عثمان! إني سائلك عن مسألة، وأخذ عليه الأيمان المغلظة بأن يجيبه فوافق، فقال: إنني أرى الله أورثك حب الناس، فما السريرة التي بينك وبين الله حتى أورثك الله هذا الحب؟ فاعتذر عن الإجابة، فلما أقسم عليه قال: إنني تزوجت امرأة، فذكره له القصة، فقال: صبرت عليها خمسة عشر عاماً ما كلمت في أمرها أحداً من الخلق، حتى إن أهلي لا يعرفونها، فصبرت عليها خشية من أنني لو طلقتها لم يتزوجها أحد.

وهو غير ملزم شرعاً بالصبر عليها، ولكن بمثل هذا الصبر ونحوه من التجلد على أذى الناس ومكر الحاقدين، وحسد الأعداء وغير ذلك ينال الإنسان رفيع الدرجات.

al-maghamisi

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